MARRIED? THIS WILL HELP YOU...

Pass the SALT. I am going all acronym on you today...

S is for SOLVE:
When I approach Melinda to talk about something I let her know up front if I need her to solve it with me. For instance, if I am faced with a difficult circumstance I'll approach her and say, "Do you have 5 minutes to help me solve this problem?"

A is for Advice:
Instead of needing a solution I need her advice. The difference is that in the case of solving something I am looking for her solution, but in the case of advice I am receiving her input and adding it to what is already rolling in my head.

L is for Listen:
For me this is the biggest one, and I think there are times where this is huge for most guys. Sometimes I just need to talk it out, vent it out or let it out. I am often faced with stuff that has huge implications depending on the path I choose, so I need to talk out the many options with her.

Here is the key to the "L." Really listen. Don't listen to respond. Don't listen to solve of give advice. Simply listen, and ask clarifying questions. It helps both of us know where we are headed. Usually at some point in the listening process I will ask for advice, but Melinda doesn't give it unless she is asked. Do you know how helpful it is to have a legit sounding board. By legit I mean unbiased, no agenda, but just listening for content and understanding. My personality is that I often need to "talk stuff out" instead of "think it out." The L is big for me.

T is for Talk:
This is about dialogue. We want each other to talk. We don't necessarily want to solve it or give advice, and if we do find solutions or give advice we write that down as a potential idea. In reality we to talk it out without an end in mind. This works great in talking about our future strategies like should we send Seven to public or private school, where will we vacation this summer, building messages, strategies for family things, and etc.

Hopefully the SALT can help your communication. Here is the secret to implementing it. Set boundaries around your communication, especially when it's about challenging subjects like money, advice, raising kids, your relationships. Identify time frames and stick to those time frames. For Melinda and I we spend about 5 minutes on S and A, 30 minutes on L and an hour on T, though there is not prescription for time.