MARRIED? THIS WILL HELP YOU...

OK, I tend to feel a lot of things, sometimes they don't even exist. For example, I can have a disagreement with a friend and feel bad, or guilty or some how I feel ashamed by real and/or imagined thoughts. In this circumstance, my WIFE is absolutely fantastic at helping me process through those things by helping me realize that I am only responsible for me. Here's how she does it...

She listens. She listens to me tell the story. In the story I share the facts, my feelings, my hurts, my pains, my fears and so forth. She listens to the whole thing.

She waits. She waits to hear the whole story, and even asks clarifying questions.

She pounces. Like a tiger, the second I begin to feel guilt about someones words or deeds, she stops me and says, "You didn't do that! You are not responsible for how they responded to you. You are only responsible for you." Do you know how important that is? Huge.

She Encourages. When she hears something that I need to own she gently tells me and encourages me to own it and make it right. I trust her in that correction cause she has my best interest in mind all the time.

She loves. Most of the time I get to the end of the process, but can still feel a bit lousy. She walks to me and picks me up and reminds me that I have a heart of gold, a sensitive spirit and I wouldn't do anything to hurt anyone.

She repeats. I'm the type of person that sometimes needs to process the same story more than once. If I need to go over it again, she is right there to listen, wait, pounce, encourage and love. This makes her the most amazing person to be married to.

Try this in your marriage. Instead of saying, "Get over it." Or, "Grow up." Try to really listen for the content. Separate the content into two categories, "things we are responsible for and things we are not." Then love. Sometimes it brings healing immediately, sometimes you'll need to work it again. But every time Melinda helps me put what I need to in perspective. After all, as a husband, father, pastor and friend I can only do what only I can do. Everything else doesn't belong to me, and that is a great relief.