BEST AND WORST OF ME

Being a disciple of Jesus Christ brings out the best in people. We've seen many times a person decide to follow Jesus and overnight they become a better person. Being His disciple opens the stingy heart and changes the stubborn mind. Being a disciple of Jesus brings out the absolute best in me and you.

When I was a kid, my parents started our church; consequently, our whole family dynamic changed. What was private became public--family issues, my teen years, successes and failures--and for the most part it was no problem because being a disciple made me a better person. Even today ministry is like that, I see people who totally change their lives and begin helping others, giving to good causes and serving those different from themselves. It's cool to see how being a disciple of Jesus brings out the best in people.

Being a disciple of Jesus also brings out the worst. How can it be both? Take, for example, my telephone. At one time my phone existed to call my friends and family. It served me, but now I use my phone to serve people because I am a disciple of Jesus and everything I have is to serve others. Soon I discover there are certain voice mails I have no clue how to respond to and the sheer volume of difficulties I'm called to address are overwhelming. I'm tired. I don't have the answers. I hardly understand the questions, but I'm obligated to call the person back, right? I don't; even though I should. What would I say? It's been three days. Five days. Seven days. All of a sudden I feel guilty. I'm conflicted. I'm at my worst. Its not my heart. Not my intention. Not my desire. My worst is coming out. I hate it. I feel that I've let them down. Maybe I shouldn't have given out my number. Maybe I should resign because I missed the call. I should have been there. Now I've not only let someone down, but I've realized I'm no good at being a disciple because no good disciple of Jesus would not return a phone call, right?

Sally, A lady who volunteers to help the church because being a disciple of Jesus brings out her best. Volunteer bliss turns into stress. She recalls better times with more rewards and fun. It used to be the best of times. Her best. But now she no longer shows up on time. She committed, but other people are late and unprepared which justifies her complacency. Is it her best? Not anymore. Used to be, but that was at first. Now its not volunteering but obligationeering. Her worst.

Being a disciple of Jesus Christ opens up our lives to a world that desperately needs people to love, serve, give and help. As disciples we respond to those needs and throw our life into all those actions, but then we realize we cannot do it all and suddenly what we love to do is no longer done out of all that is our best; instead, it takes on a different image--our worst. Its not intentional and most of all it's not our heart.

In other words, being a disciple of Jesus Christ has made Jeff the best person he can be; after all, I've got a pile of stories to fill five books, but, at the same time, it has also revealed how challenged, unqualified and fallible I am. Today I am my best, but at the same time, I am my worst.

So what is a disciple of Jesus to do in a polarized world between their best and their worst? There is no way we can wait until we are at our best all the time to be Jesus' disciple. In reality, He's already asked us to get in the game even if it's not our best day.

Do this. Keep at it! Don't quit! Paul said, "Follow me as I follow Christ." Paul was saying, (in my own thoughts,) "Listen, my heart is right, I'm figuring this disciple stuff out. I'm a work in progress." That is the beauty of following Christ, He covers us with grace. When I am at my worst he is my best.

So to all those who've seen Jeff Knight at my worst and at my best, follow me as I follow Christ. As we go together we will see the best and worst of each other. To those who have had to and will experience my worst let me say, "sorry" (in advance). And to those of you who are willing to be your best at the risk of exposing me to your worst, no worries, welcome to discipleship. Let's follow Jesus Christ together.

When I was 8 I liked an old Dallas Holm song with this lyric, "At my worst you found me; at my worst you died; at my worst you loved me; and at my worst you tried; to tell me that the best thing I could do; would be to give my life to you; at my worst you loved me and now I love you too."

I am so thankful that God doesn't pick the perfected. If he did I'd be at the end of the line...Let's be our best today and let Him help the worst of us.

(This short excerpt came from my processing a word I heard from Kristian Wilde at MFI. I was really touched to realize that my best and worst Jeff both come from being a disciple of Jesus. It gives me great hope that my best is yet to come and, you guessed it, my worst. Thank GOD for amazing grace.)

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